Breaking Bad

breaking-bad

It took me forever, but I finally finished watching the last episodes of “Breaking Bad” on Netflix.

Wow!

I have seen many a show over the course of my lifetime, especially in the years since I have been here at home all day with plenty of time to actually watch TV, and that is without a doubt, the BEST FREAKING SHOW I HAVE EVER SEEN!

Seinfeld, move down, you have been bumped off your pedestal.

Whereas a show like Seinfeld was great and is an all-time classic, it did have quite a few episodes that were duds and that did not live up to the quality of most of the other episodes. (Take the finale for example)

Breaking Bad, on the other hand, was like a runaway freight train. It just kept barreling along, picking up speed, getting better and better with each twist and turn. I cannot count how many episodes had me mouthing the words “OH MY GOOOODDD!!!!” at 2AM in the morning as I lay in bed watching on my Ipad.

Just when you thought it could not produce a more shocking twist, the next episode would again have me wide-eyed while silently screaming “OH!!! MY!!! GOOOOODDDDD!!!!!!”

Everything about the show was excellent.

The show was perfectly cast and had the best performances in a drama that I have ever seen.

I still cannot believe that bumbling “Hal” from Malcolm in the Middle………… could be a believable ruthless killer.

I am still speechless.

It bums the hell out of me that I will not see any more of Walt, Jesse, and everyone else on the show.

D’Aun has never seen the show.

I told her that she is going to watch it this summer.

I can’t wait to watch it again with her.

I can’t wait till the first time I have to stick a sock in my mouth so I don’t call out “OH!!! MY!!! GOD!!!” when those parts are about to happen.

What an awesome show!

The best series EVER!!

Advertisements

Only Six Dildos?

You can only own six dildos here in Texas? Well, apparently that is the ugly truth in my ass-backwards state.

I only bring this up because this information came out during a heated argument between two members of the US Congress. One gentleman from Florida, a man of obvious intelligence, made a comment that Texas was a “crazy state”……… which immediately pissed off one of his comrades, a GOP Congressman from Texas.

Word of this derogatory statement against the Lone Star State quickly spread and soon every GOP member of the US Congress representing Texas were all screaming “Don’t mess with Texas!”

An apology was demanded from the Florida gentleman, who laughed and said such an apology would only be coming as soon as “Hell freezes over”. He then brought up the crazy “You can only own six dildos in Texas” law and asked if that was not the sign of a “crazy” state.

Yes ladies, apparently this is the law.

If you’re an avid collector of these devices, you best not have more than six laying around the house, because you never know when the Dildo Gestapo might come knocking on your door.

Only in Texas!………………….

Evolution of a Painting

10530831_10152787969688142_5798348674050983913_n

Back when I first started painting this year, I would often post photos on Facebook documenting the evolution of each painting as it went from blank canvas to finished product. This post is going to follow the journey of my next painting, all the way from the seed of an idea, to what I hope will be a good finished painting.

The Painting: This painting, as I envision it in my head, will be called “The Fading Colors of Fall“. It will be an acrylic on a 11″ x 14” canvas panel.

The Seed: The pic above is of a small island on Balsam Lake, Wisconsin. It was taken by friend Gary Sankary and I have already used it as the basis for one prior painting. I absolutely love that photograph. Laying in bed one night, I thought of another painting I might try while using that photo as a guide. I decided to paint that small island, covered in striking Fall Foliage, but in a unique manner……

I would paint it in Black and White.

The Crazy Seed: Deeper into the grips of insomnia that same night, I started to get another vision of what that Black and White painting could be transformed into…..

I decided that everything in the piece would be in Black and White, EXCEPT for the reflection of the trees in the water………..which would be in color.

Hence, the Fading Colors of Fall would be reflected in the water, in an otherwise stark Black and White painting.

DSCN0069

The Start: Now that I have a vision in my head, it is time to start the actual painting. Personally, I paint in layers from background to foreground. What this means is that I picture the finished painting in my head and determine what will be in the absolute background. I paint that layer first, often over the entire painting, even if only a small amount of that absolute background will show through in the finished painting. In this painting, my absolute background is going to be the SKY and WATER. In the photograph, there is little contrast in the colors of the clear sky and blue water. For my painting, I am envisioning the sky being totally white, with the water of the lake being just a tad darker.

DSCN0070

For this, I added just a tiny blob of black paint to some white paint, getting a faint gray color as a result. I then painted this onto the canvas to lay out the border between my sky and water.

The Island: Again, working from back to front, I am going to next place my island on top of the background I already have in place. The island will initially have its borders sketched out using an Artists pen. (This is a small pen containing black ink, very similar to a Sharpie, but used for detailing in various types of Art) I will use the pen to outline the treeline and ground of the island and will then move to small brushes in order to fill in the foliage.

DSCN0071

DSCN0072

To achieve the look of the photograph, with tree foliage of varying colors, I will place different globs of white paint on my paper plate and will add varying amounts of black to each blob so that each shade of paint is slightly different. HOPEFULLY, this will result in the appearance of trees of different colors once I start filling in the actual foliage. The trees are done using my favorite technique for tree foliage. I will start out by painting the foliage of every tree, along with the grounds of the island, in solid black. I will then let that dry completely. Then, I will use the small brushes with the various shades of paint, to individually color each tree and the ground. The new layer of paint on top of the existing black layer will give the illusion of depth to the trees. I will paint all the foliage and ground, along with the land that is visible in the back right of the photo and will let all that dry completely before moving on to the next phase.

DSCN0073

The Reflection: The reflection is not that hard. I merely spin the canvas panel around to where the island is now upside down and I start the process of tracing out the foliage and island all over again. Again, the initial layer is all in black and once the paint has completely dried, colors can start to be added to each tree.

DSCN0074

DSCN0075

DSCN0076

DSCN0078

Finishing Touches: Last, after each tree is painted, I got a bit of white paint on a brush and lightly brushed the canvas beneath the island to give some more texture to the water. I also lightly brushed across the reflected trees, giving the appearance of the reflection being on the water. I then took some more white paint and gently swirled in some mist along the waterline, all the way across the panel.

Sign the piece with my signature “Pak”….

and it is all done.

Total time (including drying): 3 hours

DSCN0079

I’ll take some more photographs of the finished piece, will fill out the information for the Etsy listing, and will have it on my site in the morning.

Another day, another painting in the books.

Post-Election thoughts……..

cialis-tubs

1. This is my favorite day of the year. Finally! No more damn “My opponent once set a puppy on fire in front of a group of terminally-ill children….so vote for me!” ads on TV 24 hours a day. Now, I get the Erectile Dysfunction and Reverse Mortgage ads all day long again. Life is good.

2. Texas stunner. This state has not had a Democrat win a statewide election in 25 years. Good old idiot me, come 4 short months from now, moved here…………. 25 years ago.

3. It’s a clear fact. I alone turned Texas Republican Red.

4. The wife and I voted together. When we walked in, there was NO ONE in the polling station but the volunteers. We got the standard line of “We’ve been busy all day long just until now”………..but the lady sleeping sprawled across the registration book and the cobwebs quickly growing on some of the booths said that it must have been a pretty low turnout.

5. The first option in our booth was to just vote straight ticket. Press one button to vote for every candidate from a particular party, and walk out 2 seconds later. How lazy. I have NO RESPECT for those who vote straight ticket. Major laziness.

6. You vote straight ticket and this is what happens. That obscure Supreme Court Justice race buried way down the ballot……….. that has an incumbent with 20 years experience on the court, with an impeccable record, admired by people from both parties…………. well instead of voting got him/her, you just voted for the ex-convict challenger who was a former KKK Grand Dragon with a neck tattoo of a burning cross……… because he happened to be in the party that you just voted straight ticket for. And then today, you are reading the news that the Ex-Con KKK Grand Dragon got tens of thousands of votes and you act astonished that anyone in their right mind would have voted for the guy. Well, you did vote for him, because YOU were too lazy to go through each item on the ballot and make an INFORMED decision.

7. I’m a Democrat, through and through. I voted for some Republican candidates yesterday.

8. I go through each item on the ballot and vote for who I think is the best candidate. Not who anyone else or some organization feels is the best candidate, who I think is the best, irregardless of party. If I get to a race where I know nothing about either candidate and their positions, I SKIP that race. I don’t want to vote for the train-wreck ex-con nutjob just because he/she is of my particular political party.

9. There are local offices where the Republican candidates have done a good job, and they got my vote, because of the job they are doing, irregardless of political party.

rickperrygunner

10. The Governors race here is finally over. I get a few years off before the next round of “I will close and protect our border!” chants from candidates. Trust me, they have been screaming that crap since the period after the Alamo fell. Outside of building a wall like the one that once separated East and West Germany, with machine-gun nests in towers scattered every 100 yards along the border, and minefields along the fence, YOU AIN’T EVER GONNA TOTALLY SECURE THE US BORDER. No matter what any politician promises.

11. Best sign on “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart”. “VOTE FOR US OR YOU’LL BE BEHEADED WHILE POOPING BLOOD”.

12. My Home State of Oregon (finally) legalized weed. I can’t foresee a time within the next 100 years where Texas will ever legalize it.

13. We still don’t even have casinos here. That’s right. Texas, biggest and best in everything, has no casinos. Part of the reason why the largest casino in the WORLD (Winstar) is right across the border at exit #1…..in a farm pasture in OKLAHOMA.

14. We can’t have legalized casino gambling here in Texas. It’s not Christian.

15. We can have horse racing and a lottery because God says those are OK.

16. Still no Ebola here in the household.

17. The baby has reached the jabbering stage where she just jabbers and talks all day and night long. We think she inherited the gene from my Mother, who is the Queen of non-stop jabbering.

18. I got a new ventilation outlet (hole) put in my head as a result of Skin Cancer surgery last Friday. The wife swears she can look in the hole and see the ONE LONE marble that I have left rolling around inside my skull.

19. I got so many scars now that you can almost make out a the faint lines of a game of TIC-TAC-TOE going on on my head. I wonder which Doctor is winning?

20. Like I said at the beginning of this post, today is the day with no election ads on the TV. Tomorrow starts the beginning of the 2016 Presidential Election season. Enjoy this one day with no ads.

21. Our Idiot Governor, Rick “Good Hair” Perry, WILL run for President. Our Idiot Senator, Ted “VOTE NO ON EVERYTHING” Cruz, WILL run for President. You will soon come to the conclusion that all Politicians from Texas are total Idiots after watching these two morons out on the campaign trail.

ted_cruz2

22. That assumption would be right.

23. Once again, I blew it. The weather has finally cooled with a few nights of temps reaching the low 40’s. Not cold by many standards, but cold enough to seriously chill the water in the pool. The chilled water in the pool that some idiot (me) has to climb into in order to remove the stairs so the pool can be covered. George Costanza said it best….

9488

24. Our new Governor-elect, Greg Abbott, proudly proclaimed that he had voted Straight-Ticket Republican on his ballot.

24. LAZY.

Manopause, No Butt, and Secession, all in one post.

Foxnewsgasfeat

– “Will Low Gas Prices hurt Economy?

– If you watch FOX NEWS or FOX BUSINESS, you might be drinking the kool-aid that will have you think that lower gas prices are a BAD thing.

– Good grief! A negative story about LOW gas prices???? Well, let’s just start another war and get those prices way back up where we don’t have to worry about them hurting the economy!

– Further proof that they blame the President for everything………including gas prices that are too LOW.

– One thing I had forgotten about my days in Basic Training with my newly-shaved head….. It feels like you are sleeping on a huge toothbrush due to the stubble that used to be actual hair.

– I would bet the house that if you were to put Kim Kardashian, Britney Spears, and Lindsay Lohan on Jeopardy together, not a single question would get answered correctly. It would be thirty minutes of total silence.

– Someone on Facebook mentioned how they cook bacon by laying out the strips on a cookie sheet and then baking the bacon in the oven, saying you get to avoid all the splattered grease on top of your stove. Of course, I gave it a try. Sure enough, no grease splatter atop the stove, but the inside of my oven is covered in grease………… which idiot me thinks must be 1000X worse.

– I must be nearing MANopause. I spent all of Monday home alone…….cleaning out my closet.

– The wife came home, saw that I had cleaned out my closet, and immediately asked “Where’s the Pod? What have you done with my husband?”

– The granddaughter is 3 months old this week. By this time next year, we will be yelling at her to “Stop trying to put the kitty in the oven!”

foxgaspricedrop3

– Drink the kool-aid and repeat after me………. low gas is bad…..low gas is bad….low gas is bad…….. raise my gas prices! raise my gas prices! raise my gas prices! (pass the kool-aid please)

– Never watch a Dallas Cowboys game on TV with my Rabid Cowboy fan Son-in-Law. I just don’t want to be in the room when he has a coronary or an aneurysm while screaming at the TV. 🙂

– The granddaughter’s first words will probably involve some kind of screaming at the TV during a Cowboys game. 🙂

– Dad and I are having one of our warped contests. He had a cancer surgery on his head with these same surgeons a few years ago that required 37 staples and stitches and a skin graft from his chest. Of course, wanting to ONE-UP my Dad on everything, I will tell the surgeons to shoot for 38 staples and stitches…….and TWO skin grafts from anywhere on my body except my butt. I have no meat left on my butt to spare. I actually have no butt. From the back of my shoulder blades down to my heels is one straight line. Ask the wife.

– There is an important meeting happening locally. Here is the notice in the paper:

Freedom Texas will meet 7 p.m. Thursday at Pizza Hut, 501 S. Washburn St. in Decatur. This is a group that educates people about the sovereignty, security and self-sufficiency of Texas, and promotes its eventual independence. Anyone who wishes to learn more about these subjects is invited to attend.

– Yep….. Secessionists!……..at the Pizza Hut!………..

– The Road Department is working on the highway right behind our house this morning. The house currently has the lovely aroma of cooked bacon, cat hair, and burning asphalt. Aren’t you jealous?

– If low gas prices ae BAD……… then high gas prices must be GOOD……….right? In the FOX NEWS ALTERNATE REALITY MAGICAL UNIVERSE OF IDIOTDOM.

gas_prices_education_fox_news

– Enough said. (Learn how to spell EDUCATION)

– The surgeons office called this morning. Even though I have private insurance and Medicare, I still have to fork over $650 out-of-pocket on Friday morning for the privilege of having my head carved up. In Canada, I would only be out the cost of gas to drive to the hospital. I love American Healthcare. Not.

– The baby is due here in a few hours. You know what that means………… the house will smell like bacon, cat hair, burning asphalt, and baby poop. I need to create some potpourri of that combination.

– Then I could send a few cases to FOX NEWS.

Bye Bye last remaining Hair

image

– As you can see, the daughter gave me a trim last night.

– First time with no hair since Air Force Basic Training nearly 30 years ago.

– The surgery to carve a nice new hole into my head is on Friday.

– I had to laugh while watching “EXTRA” the other night. Actor Hugh Jackman is having a major health crisis because he has had two Basal Cell Carcinomas on his nose in the past year. Let me tell ya! I have grown two more Basal cells just while Typing this.

– I got my first Skin Cancer at age 33. I have had 42 since then. I once went into the Operating Room and woke up in recovery after the Surgeon had removed THIRTEEN skin cancers in one operation. If I had been Hugh Jackman, thousands of fans would have held a candlelight vigil outside the hospital to pray that I pulled through the operation.

– All my Skin Cancer problems are the results of bad sunburns when I was a kid.

– I am hoping my hair grows back out all full and flowing, kind of like Fabio.

– I will probably end up looking like George Costanza.

– I am pretty sure the baby will not recognize me now.

– That might not be all bad because the last 3 times I have seen her, she has broken into crying when she sees me.

– The daughter wants to color my goatee and mustache dark so that I look like “Heisenberg” for Halloween.

– No, I still do not have Ebola.

– Drivers that tailgate you for miles, only to pass you and then immediately slow down so they can turn, should be beaten about the buttocks with a rusty rake.

– I used some discount points and got gas for $2.23 a gallon on Saturday. Twenty years ago if u had told me that I would be happy to pay that much….. I would have told u that u were crazy.

– Thanks to friend Gina for the oddest treat I have had in years…… A Wasabi Kit-Kat bar from Asia. It was just like what u would imagine, a chocolate bar dipped in Wasabi. Strangest treat since my In-Laws brought me some Emu Jerky from Australia.

Rambling on…..

01-honey-boo-boo-family

– Where were you when you heard the news? I was sitting here at the computer when I first read the shocking news on Facebook. I am still reeling. I can’t believe it! This can’t be true! “Here comes Honey Boo Boo” got cancelled, all because the Mom was secretly dating a convicted sex offender who had served 10 years in prison for sexual acts committed against a then 8 YEAR OLD family member of HERS.

– Can I just say that the I don’t think that family tree has too many branches on it and that these peoples dice are missing quite a few dots……….

– I am proud of the fact that I have never watched a single minute of that show. And I’m an idiot. It should have been right up my alley of shows that you figured I would watch.

– But that nutty family made more money than most all of us will ever hope to make in our lifetimes. Only in America.

– The wife and I watch “Jeopardy” each night and like to yell out the answers at the TV. The wife has been telling me for years that I need to apply to be a contestant.

– (Contestant intro) “A Disabled Artist from Runaway Bay, Texas……….. Mark G Pakulak!)

– I could possibly do well enough to have a ton of money by the time of the final Jeopardy question, and then would miss something like “Of a Quart and a Pint, which is the larger of the two?”

– I still have no clue. All I know is that when I go through the drive-thru of our local BBQ restaurant, I always come home with about a gallon of Pinto Beans because I can never remember which sizes are which.

– 75 School Shootings since Sandy Hook. Enough said.

– I’m surprised it took us this long………… The wife was holding the baby as one of our cats walked up and started purring. Within seconds, the wife and I launched into singing “Soft Kitty” from “The Big Bang Theory”. Those who watch the show will know what I mean.

– The kid took our car (and my credit card) off to the closest Chinese place to get us dinner on Friday evening. He called as he was driving home and said that he was stopped in traffic due to an accident. I don’t wish those involved in the accident any ill will, but being able to legally drive through, or around, accident scenes should be legal if you are transporting Chinese food. I’m just sayin…..

– The accident was in the neighboring town where we had “the incident” with my own parents a few years ago. We were driving down the road and came upon an accident scene. As we were directed around the scene, I noticed that one of the wrecked vehicles looked like my parents car. We were directed away from the accident site and had to go down and do a U-Turn in the road and then come back past the site again. On the second pass, I confirmed it was indeed my parents that had been in the minor accident. We had to continue driving for a ways, and I did eventually turn around to go back and check on them, AFTER I had gone through a McDonald’s Drive-Thru first in order to get us dinner.

– When we got back to the accident site, after getting our food, the police and the wrecked cars were all gone. I later got a phone call from the Police Station, from my Dad, asking me to come pick them up.

– Needless to say, he was a little miffed that I had gone through a Drive-thru before heading back to check on their welfare. Oopsie.

– A Co-worker of my wife’s has been reading my posts and asked my wife if I was a Democrat or a Republican. The wife said she just laughed and said that I was a Democrat, and then left it at that. Jana, all you need to know is that I own Tie-Dye clothing, I was born in the Hippie Capital of the Pacific Northwest, and if the wife would let me, I would grow a pony tail. 🙂 Translation: I’m pretty Liberal by Texas standards.

– One of our Gas Station/Convenience stores here in our tiny little lakeside town has added an interesting feature outside alongside the highway. Five huge FAKE palm trees, all in a semi-circle surrounding an 8′ tall wooden bear. Nothing says rural North Texas, hundreds of miles from any ocean, or any mountains, like fake Palm Trees and a huge wooden Bear.

– I am so sick of not having CNN to watch during the day. All I want is the news. Just news. No political spin on every story, just the news.

– Without CNN, these are my options if a plane crashes.

– MSNBC “Do nothing Congress responsible for Plane Crash”
– FOX NEWS “Obama crashes Plane”
– BBC “Plane crashes in America. Guns most likely to blame”
– TMZ ” Plane crashes. We get Kim and Kanye’s reactions up next”

– Updating the Honey Boo Boo story, my son informs me that the sex offender served time for acts against one of the girls on the show………… Why is this man even out of prison? You can assault an 8yr old and only serve 10 years? Here in Texas, that’s almost a capital offense, but will get you at least 50 years or more.

– I still don’t have Ebola.

– The wife is congested and reports having some buzzing in her ears.

– She probably has Ebola.

Strawberry Letter #23. Still have no clue what that song is about, but am still singing it after hearing it on the 70’s station on the drive home from the store today.

– I got a FEDERAL jury summons in the mail. FEDERAL! Oh boy!! Maybe I can be on the jury of some high profile drug cartel murder case, or something to do with terrorism………….. This is awesome!!

– The wife immediately burst my bubble and reminded me that I am disabled and could not tolerate sitting in a jury box for hours, days, and weeks on end. There is a spot on the form where I have to fill in the details of any disability that would prevent me from serving. Bummer! I wanted to be on the drug cartel murder jury!!

– Maybe I would be on such a high-profile case that they would put me and the family into witness protection after the trial. Maybe move us to Norway………or Tahiti…………….or Nebraska.

– Sigh. Being disabled sucks.

– I’m nearly 50 and I have only gotten called for jury duty one other time. I was immediately dismissed because the plaintiff in the case was my former landlord.

Changing Times….. Changing Channels……………. While almost killing yourself.

idiot inside

All I wanted to do was change the damn TV channel late one night…….

The scene:

1980. Salem, Oregon

My Bedroom.

TV = 12″ Black and White Piece of Crap about the size of a breadbox and the weight of a small car.

The TV is perched atop a dresser about 5′ from my bed. There is no remote for this ancient piece of technology. The lone rotating dial knob on the front of the TV will allow the user to manually switch between up to 12 different channels. No problem. We do not yet have cable, so we only have 7 freaking channels! Atop the TV is perched a set of useless rods pointing in opposite directions, known back then as “Rabbit Ears”. These “Rabbit Ears” could supposedly be manipulated to allow you to receive a better TV signal depending on atmospherics, temperature, current conditions in the stock market, and the price of Pork Bellies on the commodities exchange on that particular day. Skillful manipulation of these rabbit ears could sometimes allow you to pick up the faint and snowy signals of far-off stations in Seattle or San Francisco, some of which were kind enough to show late-night programming which might get you a quick glimpse of a snowy nipple.

Changing the channel late at night meant getting up out of the bed, walking across the room, skillfully turning the knob to the desired channel, about ten minutes of rabbit-ear manipulation to get the TV image into a watchable state, and then you returned to bed.

Easy enough.

The Scene #2:

2014. Runaway Bay, Texas

Master Bedroom.

TV = 27″ Flat Screen perched atop a dresser.

Behind our bed is a large headboard with a flat shelf atop it. I assume the designers of this wooden headboard intended for the shelf to house a lamp or two, some books, some creepy stuffed animals to stare down at you during the night, and whatever else you might want to put up there just above your head.

For my side of the headboard, this is where my remote controls are stored.

Remote #1: Operates the TV.
Remote #2: Operates the DVR.
Remote #3: Operates the DVD player.
Remote #4: Operates the Sleep Number bed air controls to alter the firmness of the mattress.
Remote #5: Operates the Sleep Number bed mechanical bed frame and massage feature.
Remote #6: A Universal remote that operates TV, Satellite DVR, Microwave, Garage Door, and the tailgate door on our car.
Remote #7: Operates my Spinal Cord Stimulator. While others running for the pill bottle when in chronic pain, I grab my trusty Stimulator Remote and can instantly zap my spinal cord with enough electrical prodding that my idiot brain will completely forget about the nagging pain that I had earlier.

Also atop my side of the headboard are three empty drinking glasses, some granola bar wrappers, and a creepy stuffed clown holding a hatchet that likes to stare down at me while I sleep.

Now, to changing the channel.

In the dark.

By myself.

And remember, I’m an idiot.

Sigh…………. I have tired of watching the Ebola Channel and have decided to switch to Sportscenter.

No problem.

Fumble around above my head and feel for the Universal remote so I can change channel. This feels like it. Expertly glide fingers across buttons and press button to change channel.

Faint noise in distance. Garage door is going up. Damn! Glide fingers across remote again, using muscle and brain memory, and land on the button that will change the channel. Press button.

A faint but distinct scream is heard down the block.

scared

Every dog in the neighborhood immediately starts barking. I have no clue what I just did.

Replace that remote back onto headboard.

Fumble around in the dark feeling for the DVR-specific remote.

Ahh……… this feels like it. Glide across buttons until I feel the distinct feel of the rectangular button that will change the channel. Press button.

Immediately start flopping around uncontrollably on bed as spinal cord is being given a near-lethal dose of electrical stimulation that would kill most creatures smaller than an adult walrus.

As I am convulsing on the bed, my neck arches back to where I am staring up at the headboard, and through the jolting surges of electrical stimulation that are taking me to the edge of blacking out, I see that creepy clown staring down at me……….. mocking me………….

For all I know, the little stuffed clown purposely mixed up my remotes from their usual resting places.

Frantically start punching buttons on stimulator. After minutes of uncontrolled flopping and loss of bladder control, the “stimulation” finally stops.

I throw that remote across the room so I can’t mistakenly grab it again.

“Please Lord! I just want to change the damn TV channel!!”

I look across room at TV.

Even in the darkness of the room, I can see it.

No knob, no dial, no buttons, nothing!

No way to change the damn channel without a remote!

I fumble around behind my head. Remotes are scattered everywhere.

Here! This feels like the DVR remote!

Click! Click! Click!!

The TV is not changing channels!

What is that noise?

sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Oh crap!

I mistakenly grabbed the wife’s sleep number remote and have proceeded to let all the air out of her mattress.

I watch in horror through the darkness as the tiny woman slowly sinks beneath the waves of her mattress. One minute she was there, the next minute she was gone, completely engulfed by the deflating mattress.

She’s gonna be pissed! (not to mention the fact that one my button punches has opened the tailgate on her car as it sits out in the dark driveway)

Fumble around the remotes blindly.

Start punching random buttons.

Was that a gunshot I heard down the street?

punch! punch! punch!

Why is the heating system coming on???

Damn! What did I do now????

Life was so much easier in 1980.

I want my little black and white piece of crap back!

Rambling Thoughts

The Studio mess.

The Studio mess.

– I am back after what seems like two years without a computer. Actually, my PC died almost two weeks ago and I was left to fend for myself in this cruel world with only my tiny IPAD.

– I feared that everything on my hard-drive was lost forever. I had filled up my external hard-drive years ago and was too lazy to purchase another one, and too cheap to purchase a back-up program on the dreaded cloud, so I was facing the prospect of losing a couple years worth of pictures, all the chapters to my book I have been slowly writing, all my old blog posts that I had saved from my old blogs, a few years worth of tax returns, etc. etc.  Thankfully the Docs at the PC hospital were able to save MOST OF the data and were able to transfer it onto a new hard-drive.

– I seem to have most everything………. but it is as if a bomb went off and everything is just tossed around everywhere on my new drive. It will take a few weeks of housecleaning to get things fully back to normal.

– Having no PC really sucked. I think I handled the news that I was permanently disabled better than the news that my PC might be terminal and that everything might be lost.

– I came in half-asleep one morning and sat down wondering why everything was dead…….and then looked down and saw the bare patch on the carpet where my PC tower sat for years.

– I still have no signs of Ebola. Just so you know that. I didn’t want you to worry since I used to be a Nurse and I knew a gal, who knew a gal, who knew a gal, who worked with a Doctor, that had a partner, that knew a guy, who had a Nurse, that once traveled through Liberia in 1974.  I’m self-monitoring just to be on the safe side.

– My Dad spent time in Liberia when he was a “contractor” (Spy) for the “Government”. (CIA)  I don’t think he has Ebola. I think he just looks that way every day now. He’s getting up there ya know.

– The kid and I are going to see a MLS Soccer Match on Saturday. It’s supposed to be 90 degrees. October 25th and still 90. I hate Texas weather!

– If you listen to the political ads on the TV here in Texas, you might get the idea that the Democratic candidates are the next coming of the Anti-Christ, while the Republican candidates sit at home with tin foil helmets on so that the alien space rays cannot infect their brains….any further.

– A friend posted a photo of something that I have to try in the next few weeks. A local Asian place is selling “Sushi Nachos”. Leave it to Texas to blend Tex-Mex and Asian to perfection.

– The baby has been staying with me a lot during the past couple weeks. She is spoiled rotten already, and I am just as much at fault as everyone else. The little gal is really squirmy and fidgety unless I hold her, then she is a perfect angel. I told her she has until she reaches 20 lbs, then I am sitting in HER lap all day long.

– The surgery on my head is on Halloween. How appropriate. A few days before, the daughter will turn me from Santa Claus into Walter White. (Bye Bye White Hair)

– I am pretty sure I have successfully trained the youngest cat like you would not believe. I tell her to “sit still and stare” and she does it, everytime without fail. I tell her to “Look disinterested and bored” and sure enough, like clockwork, she does. I tell her “You are getting verrrrryyyy sleeeeeppppy and you will sleep 20 hours today”….and she is dozing off before I finish the command. I need to get her on “Stupid Pet Tricks” on David Letterman.

– I have still been painting, but have not been able to post anything onto Etsy with my computer being dead and all. Now that I am back up, I will be posting the new paintings in the next couple days. Up to 68 sales for the year thus far.

– It’s supposed to be the time of year where I am winterizing the pool and covering it for the winter. Hard to do when it is still in the 90’s outside.

– Watched a great documentary on Netflix about the rock group RUSH. Great band that I have yet to see in person. Fell in love with their music while I was in High School. Hard to believe they only had one Top-40 hit here in the US. (New World Man)  They finally made the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2013, which was WAY overdue. Just typing this, I have the intro to “Tom Sawyer” cruising through my brain.

– There should be a device built into each new motor vehicle that will make the vehicle explode into a huge fireball if you drive more than 20 mph UNDER the posted speed limit for more than 5 miles on a two-lane road where no one can pass you. Just sayin. A few scorched patches on the concrete might make the slowpokes speed the Hell up!

– My Sleep Number is 45, not that you care. Saw a commercial for the Sleep Number bed where one spouse was a 60 and one was a 25. 25! Good Lord! I would be sagging through to the floor!

– Those sushi nachos sure do sound good. Though in Texas, I fear they might just be sushi  with Queso cheese sauce on top………

– I do NOT watch any of the singing competition shows on TV. Just out of curiosity, my wife pulled up the names of all the past winners of “The Voice”. I have not heard of any of them, and have sure not heard any of them on the radio.

– When I go into the surgical place next week for the Skin Cancer operation, I am going to cough loudly and then tell the Nurses that I was in Bolivia recently. (2010)  I bet most of them will be so geographically-challenged that they will think Bolivia is in Africa.

– The kid has no clue what he wants to do with his life, even though he graduates in 7 months. He is really good at Geography and I think he would make a great Geography teacher. He thinks that being around “snot-nosed kids” all day long might lead him to want to put his head in an oven.

Technical difficulties

This post is being done one finger peck at a time on my IPad.  That first sentence took me 12 minutes to type. My PC died Sunday night. I fear the hard drive died and that all the data is lost. It will be examined by specialists to see if anything can be recovered. I am looking at my options for a new computer. I will be back regular blogging once I am up and running. This entire post has now taken me 20 minutes and my pecking finger is now cramped and swollen.  On the positive side, I have to have surgery on my head to remove a deep skin cancer……But……it will NOT be done at the inept hospital ravaged by Ebola.  Oh and I get to lose all my hair so I will look like John Locke from “LOST”……….. (If he had a Santa Claus physique)