Bye Bye last remaining Hair

– As you can see, the daughter gave me a trim last night.

– First time with no hair since Air Force Basic Training nearly 30 years ago.

– The surgery to carve a nice new hole into my head is on Friday.

– I had to laugh while watching “EXTRA” the other night. Actor Hugh Jackman is having a major health crisis because he has had two Basal Cell Carcinomas on his nose in the past year. Let me tell ya! I have grown two more Basal cells just while Typing this.

– I got my first Skin Cancer at age 33. I have had 42 since then. I once went into the Operating Room and woke up in recovery after the Surgeon had removed THIRTEEN skin cancers in one operation. If I had been Hugh Jackman, thousands of fans would have held a candlelight vigil outside the hospital to pray that I pulled through the operation.

– All my Skin Cancer problems are the results of bad sunburns when I was a kid.

– I am hoping my hair grows back out all full and flowing, kind of like Fabio.

– I will probably end up looking like George Costanza.

– I am pretty sure the baby will not recognize me now.

– That might not be all bad because the last 3 times I have seen her, she has broken into crying when she sees me.

– The daughter wants to color my goatee and mustache dark so that I look like “Heisenberg” for Halloween.

– No, I still do not have Ebola.

– Drivers that tailgate you for miles, only to pass you and then immediately slow down so they can turn, should be beaten about the buttocks with a rusty rake.

– I used some discount points and got gas for $2.23 a gallon on Saturday. Twenty years ago if u had told me that I would be happy to pay that much….. I would have told u that u were crazy.

– Thanks to friend Gina for the oddest treat I have had in years…… A Wasabi Kit-Kat bar from Asia. It was just like what u would imagine, a chocolate bar dipped in Wasabi. Strangest treat since my In-Laws brought me some Emu Jerky from Australia.

Ebolamageddon 2014 Update: Torch-carrying Mobs!

“You’ve always known she’s the right one for you….”

“You never know when the mood might strike you….”

(Today’s North Texas Ebola Outbreak Update is brought to you by Cialis)

Thursday.

8:01AM

I rolled over, fumbled around for the TV remote with my eyes still closed, and turned on the DVR and TV. Still half-asleep, I punched up the local ABC affiliate to see if Ebolamageddon had been unleashed during the overnight hours.

The TV comes on to reveal an endless mass of stopped cars and trucks snarling a busy Dallas freeway. I’m afraid it’s happened. The masses are fleeing for the hills, though we have no hills to speak of, so they are doing the next best thing………. the masses are fleeing the infected disease-ravaged city and are headed north……….. to the world’s largest Casino which just happens to sit on the Texas/Oklahoma border.

The Winstar!

When fleeing a Zombie or Ebolamageddon catastrophe, always seek shelter in the nearest Indian Casino. Everyone knows that.

Oh wait………

False alarm.

It turns out that this is just normal 8AM traffic in Dallas. These are obviously the worker bees that have to be at work at Noon. They hit the freeway at 5AM and although they are currently stopped in gridlock, they are right on schedule to arrive at work on time in just 4 more hours.

No fleeing of the masses. Whew! We dodged a bullet!

Uh oh!

9:27AM

Is the beginning of the end?

The local TV station is now providing disturbing coverage of a huge mass of people gathered around a large building in downtown Dallas. Most of the people are carrying torches or weapons. Camouflage seems to be the color-choice of the day. Armed police are seen to be guarding the front doors of the building.

Is this the Health Department? Is the mob demanding free Ebola shots? What’s going on??????

Oh wait.

A reporter is speaking to a mob spokesman. The dentally-challenged gentleman brandishing 13 firearms, a belt full of grenades, and who is brandishing a large pitchfork, is seem to be demanding that “all the diseased librarians come out of the building immediately……. or else!!”

Librarians?

Good Lord!

The mob has surrounded the Dallas County Public Library in search of diseased Librarians!

The TV reporter tries to gently inform the fellow that it was a LIBERIAN gentleman who is infected, you know, a citizen of the nation of LIBERIA, and that it was not a LIBRARIAN, nor a citizen from the nation of LIBRARY that had the awful disease.

In a split second, upon hearing this news, the crowd calms and people look at each other in confusion, trying to figure out what to do next. Someone wearing a bright blue “Welcome to Wal-Mart. How may I help you?” vest jumps atop a park bench and starts screaming at the mob to get them fired back up.

As you guessed, the Anti-Infected Librarian mob scene instantly morphed into a torch and gun-carrying Anti-Obamacare rally.

Outside a public Library………..NOT filled with infected Librarians.

Welcome to Texas.

12:23PM

CNN has yet more BREAKING NEWS!

A killer asteroid has been spotted by Astronomers. This asteroid will most likely impact the earth sometime next week and could very well spell the end of life on the planet as we know it.

Now back to the non-stop Ebola coverage.

Good Grief!

Killer Asteroids and Infected Librarians?

Is this all a Monty Python movie?

Uh oh…..

Word now that a person in a Honolulu hospital is being closely monitored for possible Ebola…

You Honolulu Librarians might want to take off work early and head home before the confused mob arrives.

Once again, this Ebolamageddon 2014 update has been brought to you by Cialis, the official erectile dysfunction medication of Ebolamageddon 2014.

Immediately seek medical attention for signs of Ebola or for any erection lasting 4 hours or more.

To be continued………..

Ebola Outbreak 2014…………. Terror on the dusty plains of North Texas

The End is Near!

By the time you read this, I will probably have the Ebola Virus and will be mere days away from the family burying me out back in the garden alongside two of our long-deceased cats.

Yes, as you probably heard by now, the Ebola Virus has now struck the shores of the USA……….with those shores being right here in the Dallas, Texas area.

The word broke late yesterday afternoon on local TV news.

Within seconds, the countdown had begun.

“FOX NEWS BLAMES OBAMA IN 5…4….3….2…..1…..”

Panic set in almost immediately.

The local network TV stations did not even show the Nightly National News so that they could stay on the air to keep the public informed. Of course, by the time the Prime-Time shows were due to start, the chaos had calmed enough that regular programming was resumed.

During the endless live local news coverage, all the major stations had their helicopters circling the hospital where the infected person is isolated…….endlessly circling……and circling…….and circling……providing hours of endless views of every inch of the roof and exterior of the hospital…………while harried news anchors kept reminding viewers every 30 seconds that they were watching LIVE footage of the hospital………..you know, the hospital where the poor victim that will lead to the premature deaths of ALL OF US!!!………..is being treated.

THE DEATHS OF ALL OF US!!!

Two hours since word got out: Update

FOX NEWS NOW REPORTING THAT EBOLA OUTBREAK IN TEXAS WAS CRAFTED BY THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION IN ORDER TO DRAW MEDIA ATTENTION AWAY FROM SYRIA AND ISIS, WHICH WAS CRAFTED BY THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION IN ORDER TO DRAW MEDIA ATTENTION AWAY FROM THE CRISIS ON THE US/MEXICO BORDER, WHICH WAS CRAFTED BY THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO DRAW MEDIA ATTENTION AWAY FROM OBAMACARE, WHICH WAS CRAFTED BY THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO DRAW MEDIA ATTENTION AWAY FROM BENGHAZI.

Sad thing is many millions in the country actually will find that to be perfectly logical.

Three Hours since word got out: Update

Local Health Officials cannot release name of infected person. Cannot release details as to where exactly he was staying. Cannot release details as to businesses or locations he might have visited in Dallas area prior to going to hospital. Cannot release exact details on flights and airlines that he traveled on. Cannot release any information at all on this matter.

Asks public to report to health officials if they believe they may have had contact with this person. This person that they know nothing about, that they have no information on where he has been around town, who he may have contacted, etc. But hey, if ya got the sniffles, and ya live in North Texas, you might want to consult your Doctor.

Reporter asks Doctor as to the exact symptoms the victim was experiencing. Doctor cannot release that info due to privacy laws. Reporter asks Doctor what symptoms people are supposed to look out for. Doctor says “fever is one sign”…………

Within seconds……… 44,000 thousand people in North Texas, all with fevers, or those who think they have fever, start running for local emergency rooms.

The first rumblings of the total collapse of society as we know it has begun.

Time to check my pantry. Pretty bare. I better get to the store before the mass hysteria sets in. Oh wait, this is rural Texas……….. the mass hysteria will cause a run on the gun shops first…….. the grocery stores should be quiet for days yet.

My Sister-in-Law, who lives in Dallas, has chimed in, wondering if the infected person shopped at her local Target store. Christy, I would avoid the store if you see Haz-Mat trucks outside the next time you go there.

4 hours post news……

Dallas County has activated their Emergency Operations Center. Highly-trained personnel are now sitting in a darkened war-room watching endless hours of live coverage of the exterior of the hospital being provided by the media helicopters. (Except for one TV in the corner that is showing a “Big Bang Theory Rerun)

Update: 9:39PM

“Customer sneezes in local Wal-Mart, dozens injured in stampede out of building that ensued”

Like I said……

The end is near.

To be continued.