“You’ve always known she’s the right one for you….”
“You never know when the mood might strike you….”
(Today’s North Texas Ebola Outbreak Update is brought to you by Cialis)
Thursday.
8:01AM
I rolled over, fumbled around for the TV remote with my eyes still closed, and turned on the DVR and TV. Still half-asleep, I punched up the local ABC affiliate to see if Ebolamageddon had been unleashed during the overnight hours.
The TV comes on to reveal an endless mass of stopped cars and trucks snarling a busy Dallas freeway. I’m afraid it’s happened. The masses are fleeing for the hills, though we have no hills to speak of, so they are doing the next best thing………. the masses are fleeing the infected disease-ravaged city and are headed north……….. to the world’s largest Casino which just happens to sit on the Texas/Oklahoma border.
The Winstar!
When fleeing a Zombie or Ebolamageddon catastrophe, always seek shelter in the nearest Indian Casino. Everyone knows that.
Oh wait………
False alarm.
It turns out that this is just normal 8AM traffic in Dallas. These are obviously the worker bees that have to be at work at Noon. They hit the freeway at 5AM and although they are currently stopped in gridlock, they are right on schedule to arrive at work on time in just 4 more hours.
No fleeing of the masses. Whew! We dodged a bullet!
Uh oh!
9:27AM
Is the beginning of the end?
The local TV station is now providing disturbing coverage of a huge mass of people gathered around a large building in downtown Dallas. Most of the people are carrying torches or weapons. Camouflage seems to be the color-choice of the day. Armed police are seen to be guarding the front doors of the building.
Is this the Health Department? Is the mob demanding free Ebola shots? What’s going on??????
Oh wait.
A reporter is speaking to a mob spokesman. The dentally-challenged gentleman brandishing 13 firearms, a belt full of grenades, and who is brandishing a large pitchfork, is seem to be demanding that “all the diseased librarians come out of the building immediately……. or else!!”
Librarians?
Good Lord!
The mob has surrounded the Dallas County Public Library in search of diseased Librarians!
The TV reporter tries to gently inform the fellow that it was a LIBERIAN gentleman who is infected, you know, a citizen of the nation of LIBERIA, and that it was not a LIBRARIAN, nor a citizen from the nation of LIBRARY that had the awful disease.
In a split second, upon hearing this news, the crowd calms and people look at each other in confusion, trying to figure out what to do next. Someone wearing a bright blue “Welcome to Wal-Mart. How may I help you?” vest jumps atop a park bench and starts screaming at the mob to get them fired back up.
As you guessed, the Anti-Infected Librarian mob scene instantly morphed into a torch and gun-carrying Anti-Obamacare rally.
Outside a public Library………..NOT filled with infected Librarians.
Welcome to Texas.
12:23PM
CNN has yet more BREAKING NEWS!
A killer asteroid has been spotted by Astronomers. This asteroid will most likely impact the earth sometime next week and could very well spell the end of life on the planet as we know it.
Now back to the non-stop Ebola coverage.
Good Grief!
Killer Asteroids and Infected Librarians?
Is this all a Monty Python movie?
Uh oh…..
Word now that a person in a Honolulu hospital is being closely monitored for possible Ebola…
You Honolulu Librarians might want to take off work early and head home before the confused mob arrives.
Once again, this Ebolamageddon 2014 update has been brought to you by Cialis, the official erectile dysfunction medication of Ebolamageddon 2014.
Immediately seek medical attention for signs of Ebola or for any erection lasting 4 hours or more.
To be continued………..
I'm not really an Idiot 